Mal watched her through the shuttle window. He’d been watching for her since they’d left Churchill. He hated leaving her. Every time. Made him remember how she looked when he found her. The caked on mud, the gaping holes where parts used to be, the port engine leaning about twenty degrees more than it should have been. But it also reminded him how she fought like hell getting up that first time, how she bucked and spiraled even under his steady hand. Reminded him how proud he had been and how—when she’d knocked him on his ass breaking atmo—he’d been gorram glad to be there.

"You’re coming in too fast. Have you even told Wash we’re inbound?" Inara said, as she entered the cockpit.

Mal turned to look at her, trying to ignore the smell of jasmine that seemed to be everywhere. He felt his hands tightening on the wheel. "That’s the beauty of ownership. I don’t have to."

Inara scoffed and moved in behind Mal, pulling back on the shuttle’s throttle. "You’re about to set off the proximity alerts."

"Good. Let’s ‘em know I’m coming."

"This is still my shuttle."

Mal wanted to let that slide. They’d had a good few hours on this trip but seeing Serenity out in the black, glowing in reflective light…

"Ghosts don’t own shuttles, Inara, they only keep ‘em for a while."

Inara felt that one immediately and stared out the window a moment before reaching forward again and grabbing the throttle. She pulled back hard and the sound of the front jets blared into the room as the shuttle tried to stop against inertia.

"What do you want from me?" Her voice was tight and on the verge of breaking. "We’ve been getting along well lately. Why are you so threatened by that?"

Mal scowled. "I ain’t threatened. And I don’t want nothing from you except the rent you pay. Might be nice if you stopped complaining ‘bout the jobs we take too."

Inara scowled and pushed the throttle up again, "You wouldn’t even have this job if it weren’t for me."

"We got this job because of what you do. And while I’m not altogether ungrateful, I am a little bai si bu jie about why."

Inara didn’t answer that.

"She’s your ship," she replied, throttling down the shuttle and standing up, "You can take her in any way you want."

Mal felt it again; the sense that one day Inara would be nothing more than an annoying little nostalgia creeping in at the wrong time. He glanced at her tight expression as she moved through the drapes and into the back of the shuttle and sighed. He already had plenty of ghosts, didn’t need her haunting his dreams as well.

He grabbed the mic and clicked it on. "Wash, we’ll be docking shortly. Tell Kaylee to get her ready to leave in a hurry."

Wash’s voice echoed into the void, "Sure thing, Mal. What’s with all the stopping and starting? You guys having trouble? You know, if the shuttle’s a rockin’, don’t come-"

Mal turned off the receiver and kicked the floorboard. Outside, the shape of Serenity continued to grow.

"What do you mean there’s no food, Jayne?" Zoe glared at the big merc coldly. "You were told to get supplies. Supplies are food and water. Supplies are things that help keep us alive."

"Guns and ammo kept us alive plenty of times," Jayne responded staring into the near empty pantry. "’Sides, what do you call those?"

Zoe reached out and took one of the gray rectangles from the shelf. She held it to her mouth and blew a small cloud of dust into Jayne’s face.

"I call that something ain’t fit to feed the Alliance. These should have been tossed two years ago."

Kaylee, half hidden behind Book and watching with avid interest, took the bar from Zoe’s hand and slapped it down on the counter. "Or used to patch the hull."

"If you'd wanted someone to go grocery shoppin’ you shoulda sent Kaylee."

Zoe slammed the pantry covers shut, "I sent you, Jayne. Not Kaylee. Not Book. You."

"Then you shoulda been more specific. When I hear supplies, I hear things that go boom and ‘less you want to be throwing lettuce next time we get into trouble–"

"Do you not remember me pointing at the kitchen and saying food supplies?" Zoe demanded.

"I might remember somethin’ like that. Maybe. But there was this gun show…"

A distant clang against the hull made Jayne finish his defense early.

"The Cap’n ain’t gonna be happy when he finds out." Kaylee offered.

"And how’s he gonna find out?" Jayne growled.

"I think it’ll be pretty obvious when he passes out from hunger."

"Things can’t be that bad," Book interrupted, inspecting a decaying chunk of protein. "I can probably make something out of this. There are plenty of spices still left, and well, if you cook something long enough…"

"We’re having a cookout?" Wash asked as he entered the kitchen. "Because if we are I am pretty sure I’m the only one dressed for the occasion."

"No cookouts here. Not for a while."

Zoe’s tone made Wash stop in his tracks, his gaze darting from Jayne to his wife. "Should I be getting a hose?"

"Jayne forgot to buy food. Zoe ain’t too pleased about it," Kaylee offered.

Wash nodded, "Oh. Well the Captain should be here any second."

"And so I am," Mal said stepping into the kitchen. "Now does anyone want to tell me why my entire crew is standing around looking at the cupboard?"

Simon examined the tube against the small UV light in the lab. He tried to put the other thoughts away into the back of his mind, tried to file them under a heading that would allow him to deal objectively with the thought that he was going to be experimenting on his sister. Life in the black had become harder than he ever thought possible. Medicine was a true commodity out here, something to be bought and sold like so many heads of cattle. He wasn’t sure how anyone actually managed to survive out here.

Inside the core, he would have River hooked up to all the best equipment. He could put her through a proper research and testing regime, and would at least be able to step outside once in a great while to take in the blue sky of Osiris without having to fear for his sister’s life. The blue liquid in the tube reminded him of this more than anything as he swirled the contents around in front of him.

"Blue is more than hands," River said disrupting his thoughts, "It's the color of sky and of the inside. Into the blue is where you took me when I was sick. Out of the blue is what you’re trying to do."

Simon smiled at her and tried to push all those thoughts of regret and wanting into a darker corner, somewhere River wouldn’t be able to see them.

"River, I’m sorry. I’ve been up a while now. I shouldn’t have been…"

"Simon, I know."

"I’m almost done," he reassured her, "We’ve been running so low on everything these days that I wanted to try to come up with something else. Something that will help us stretch these supplies even further. I think I’ve been able to create a new compound. Hopefully it will help you relax."

"I am relaxed, Simon. Maybe you should take it."

The smile on her face was half love and half condescending.

He smiled back the way he had done a hundred times before, "I’ll sleep later, mei-mei."

Simon took the tube and poured a fraction of it into an injector, placing the rest of the tube into a holder on the counter.

"This will make you feel a little strange at first, but it should wear off quickly. This is a small dose and I just need you to keep me updated as to how you feel."

"This will make you happy?"

Simon pressed the injector against her bare shoulder and pressed the button. "What would make me happy is getting some more supplies."

River cocked her head in such a way that Simon felt his heart rate jump. The drug shouldn’t have affected her that quickly. It should have been slow acting. He would have to–

"There’s Pacinol and Anfredrin upstairs now, Simon," her head slowly twisted to the other side, "Jayne’s in trouble again though."

Simon’s eye went wide, "River, what do you mean? Someone went for medical supplies without me?"

"Nope," River said playfully now, "Also yes."

"Well, Jayne," Mal said staring at the thin bricks of protein, "You’re a big man."

Jayne, caught off guard, took this as something to be proud of and adjusted his stance.

"Damn right I am."

"And you’ll feed a lot of people," Mal continued, "I think Captain’s privilege means I get first dibs on the rib meat."

Wash moved behind Jayne and poked his arm with his index finger. "At least if we hit Reaver country again we’ll be able to give them a run for their money. Or whatever they have…"

Jayne knocked the finger off of him, "Ain’t nobody eatin’ me, little man."

Zoe gave Wash a look. "Reaver jokes?"

"What? It’s not like I made fun of Chinese food…" Wash’s words trailed off as a warning alarm blared from above. He took in the serious looks from the rest of the crew, "Why am I always here when that happens?"

Wash, Zoe, Jayne and Mal rushed off toward the bridge and Kaylee went straight for the engine room handing off the protein brick to Book as she did. He brought the bar up to his nose and took a whiff. The scent was not unlike something he’d smelled on Persephone when he’d been forced to use one of the public washrooms.

"Nothing a little coriander and basil won’t fix," he said to no one and took another go at smelling it, recoiling worse than the first time, "Maybe some oregano. Yes, lots and lots of oregano."

On the bridge, Wash was staring into the main display on his console.

"Something fast is coming right for us. And might I add just a bit weapony-looking," he told Mal.

Mal looked at the screen over Wash’s shoulder. The ship was slim, new and fast looking. It wasn’t a ship built for simple pleasure sailing.

"Jayne?" Mal barked.

"What?"

"You want to tell us what else you did down there?"

"No."

Mal took his eyes off the screen long enough to grab the mic, "Kaylee, I need her ready to get the hell out of here. Sooner is better than deader."

"She’s been sittin’ cold, Cap’n. I can’t just kick her awake," Kaylee’s voice was as calm-stressed as usual, only slightly audible above the clamoring of engine noises.

"Kick, punch, make love to her I don’t care, just get her up!"

"I’m beginning to understand why you haven’t found yourself a gal, Captain," Wash said pushing the yoke ahead and moving Serenity out of orbit with the main thrusters.

Mal slammed the mic down into its cradle, "Jayne, I got no time for this so you best be telling me why my boat is about to be shot full of holes."

"You shoulda seen those prices down there. I was the one bein’ robbed–" Mal’s glare cut Jayne’s excuse short, "Hell, Mal, I just took a little something for myself. Made it so the deal was fair."

Zoe stepped in between then and leaned across the console and spoke to Wash, "Are they signaling us? I mean could they just be passing on by?"

"Not with that trajectory. I’d say they’re not likely to be the wordy type."

The cabin suddenly lit up in a bright orange flash.

"What in the di yu was that?" Jayne asked.

Mal knew what it was immediately, "Arms dealers, Jayne? You had to go and piss off arms dealers?"

"It was just a dumb ol’ gun show! I didn’t see no heavy weapons…you know, s-s-sorta. I mean, it was just one little missile."

Zoe and Mal both grabbed at the mic, "KAYLEE!" they yelled simultaneously.

Serenity let out a huge creak as her main drive flared and Wash sent the ship pulsing into the black.

Without a word Mal left the cabin, his boots heavy against the metal floor. Wash and Zoe stared at each other and then turned to Jayne who shrugged and put his thumbs into his pants pockets.

"What? Ain’t like we died."

River moved into the kitchen taking advantage of the way everyone always seemed to not look at her directly. Shepherd must have been cooking in here all day as the kitchen was nearly uncomfortably warm. But she didn’t mind, she felt like she was wasn’t even walking on the floor. Her legs and arms were balloon-like and all she wanted to do was float around the room and tell everyone how happy Simon had made her. She knew it was the meds he’d given her and that it was temporary, but she didn’t care. She just wanted everyone to be happy with her.

The Shepherd was at the stove stirring the big pot of brown stew. He brought the spoon to his mouth and River watched as his eyes squinted in what seemed to be pain. She moved closer to him as he threw in a handful of some dried powder.

"Hello, River," he said to her. His fear of her was always much more carefully hidden than the rest of them managed. She suspected many things about him, but she was never able to read him the way she thought she should be able to. Still, he was genuinely kind toward her and it made her feel closer to the ground when he was near.

"Is that a stew?" she asked Book.

"It’s supposed to be," he said, laughing at himself. "I’m almost certain it won’t kill us."

River smiled back, "Can I help?"

"Oh, it’s done already. I believe I'm only continuing to stir as some sort of primal defense mechanism," Book winked at her.

River laughed, "Do you think everyone on Serenity should be happier?"

Book stopped stirring the stew and took an extra moment to taste it and grimace before turning to her.

"I think happiness is a state of mind really. I find that you can be happy even under the worst conditions. Is there someone specific you're concerned about?"

River shrugged. She wanted Book to leave now, "No. I just want everyone to be happy the way Simon wants me to be. Can I stir some?"

Book put on a broad smile, "Of course you can. I can set the table while you do that. Rest of them should be along shortly. Where’s your brother? Is he coming to dinner?"

She nodded and took the spoon from his hand. The brown substance resisted her efforts before giving in to the motions, "He wanted to talk to Mal first."

"Well, I appreciate the help. I’ll get the plates."

River watched Book turn his back on her and move to the table. She let the blue tube she’d been carrying in her sleeve slide down and fall into her palm. "Everyone can be happy today."

"I’d like to ask you something," Simon said finding Mal in the corridor just outside the cockpit. "River said she heard there were some new medical supplies onboard."

"She heard that did she?" Mal said, already growing frustrated with the conversation.

"Well, if there are some new supplies I should take a look at them. After all, why would someone get medicine without me?"

"No one did anything like that, Doc. I don’t know what your sister has been feeding you, but the only supplies brought on this boat are what Inara and I brought back with us and a big bag of nothing in the food department courtesy of Jayne."

Simon moved in front of the Captain, blocking the hallway "She sounded very sure of herself. What is the stuff you brought back?"

Mal held out his arm and pushed past him, "The job and none of your business."

"Can I at least take a look?"

Mal stopped, "No you may not. And I will tell you here and now that if I catch you anywhere near it you’ll be missing parts you wish you had kept. Dong ma?"

Simon did not offer a reply. Instead, he held up his palms in mock defeat and walked off down the corridor.

Mal watched him leave.

"Sir?" Zoe said from behind him.

Mal turned to face her, "Zo."

"Sir, this mission - I know Inara helped set it up and it all sounds true enough—run some supplies to a rendezvous point—but it strikes me as a bit odd. I know we don’t ask too many questions, but that ship we just ran from back there, could they have been after something else?"

"You know what I know. Inara is a lot of things but she isn’t easily fooled or given the run around. Frankly, given the state we’re in and the lack of funds to change that, we don’t really have a choice."

"Things do seem to be getting darker these days. Might be getting in over our heads soon."

Mal put on his big smile, the one that told you everything you needed to know, and right now it was telling Zoe he couldn’t agree more.

"We’re already there."

Book watched the others eat with a distance he’d not felt in a long time.

He was hot from cooking all day and the stew sat in his stomach like a rock turning his thoughts as black as his mood. He watched River with a sneer on his face. The way she floated so easily between all of them as if her mere presence on this ship did not endanger all their lives made him grind his teeth.

She stared right back at him and he shoved her intrusions aside as much as he could.

"You got a problem girl?" He said in a tone that made the others look over.

River did not budge, "We are not our patterns anymore."

Book smiled, letting the tension release itself through the act. He rolled his head on his neck to release even more, "I suspect we are all tired, River. And this stew is not worthy of the effort I put into it." He turned to the rest, "For that I am sorry. Hopefully we'll get proper supplies wherever it is that we’re going."

"Oh, it’s not that bad," Kaylee said holding another bite in front of her, "I kinda like it. It’s different s’all."

"Nothing wrong with it. Two shades better than the humble pie we been eatin’ lately," Jayne said, dousing his latest batch with hot sauce.

Wash finally took a bite and winced, "Well, it’s not the worst thing I ever had. Of course I was a big dirt eater as a child. Well some of it was dirt. We had this cat–"

"Wash!" Zoe cut him off, "You ever spend a week without any food at all, you appreciate what you get. Thank you, Shepherd."

"Look, all I’m saying is we’re not going to have to go hungry that long. I mean, we could have waited. We’re what? A day out from the rendezvous? Don’t get me wrong, brilliant effort Shepherd, but I can’t eat this three or four meals in a row. We’ll have money soon enough–"

"You mean if we don’t screw it up?" Mal said putting his spoon down into an empty bowl and pushing it away from him. He stared across the table past the empty chair but his words were harsh and meant for them all. "You mean if we actually get paid? If my crew finally keeps their hands out of my cargo? If we don’t accidentally shoot the client or space ourselves while cracking jokes and slapping our knees?"

"Captain–" Zoe began.

"What you’re going to do is eat what’s been put in front of you and shut the hell up. We ain’t got luck to begin with and all we seem to do is think we can buy it on credit. Well I mean to tell you that it can’t keep. We wreck this job and the next stop is our last."

They sat in silence a moment or two longer, the tension growing as thick as the liquid in their bowls.

"We’re all doing what we can," Simon finally offered, "I think maybe we all need a break."

Mal wiped his mouth and stood glaring at Simon, "The friendly discussion part of this meal has passed, Doctor."

"All I’m saying–"

Mal glared until Simon stopped talking then he gave one final look around and turned for the bridge. "Shepherd, that was as fine as anything we deserved."

Everyone looked at Jayne.

"What the hell did I do? I’m eatin’ two bowls already!"

"Do you not remember being shot at?" Zoe said. "I don’t recall that had anything to do with us."

"Aw, hell we outran ‘em didn’t we?"

"Did that ship look like it was full of people who quit easy, Jayne?"

Jayne took a big bite of stew then stood and left the table. Zoe gave him a glance but went the other direction after Mal, Wash following behind. Simon looked over at Kaylee who smiled in return.

"Well, I’m glad nobody brought up Inara," Kaylee said.

Book returned to the table and starting grabbing the dishes left behind, "She’s where she needs to be."

"But they been getting along right? I mean, these last few weeks it hasn’t been so bad."

Simon noticed he was starting to feel warmer. He wasn’t sure if it was a bad reaction to the stew which seemed impossible given it should just now be starting to digest and release who knew what into his system.

"The Captain is a fickle man, Kaylee. Who knows what happened to them down there," he said adjusting his collar.

"Well it ain’t right—her not eating with us. She deserves better than that." Kaylee stood and went to the stove. She scooped a few ladles of stew into a clean bowl. "She sure don’t deserve to starve no matter how bad things got."

Simon watched her go. He noticed—not for the first time—how well her jumpsuit fit her and how shapely she appeared from behind. If things were different… If he didn’t know that someday he was going to have to leave this all behind… Still, she was here now and it wouldn’t be like he was going to have to charm her. He had needs as much as any man and—

"SIMON!" River screamed out as she jumped from the table.

Book dropped a bowl into the sink, breaking it into three neat pieces.

"River," Simon forced a smile.

"Our patterns are failing, Simon."

Simon turned to look after Kaylee but she had already disappeared down the stairs. "So you said earlier."

"I just wanted everyone to be happy."

A loud crash sounded behind them as Book dropped another bowl. This one hit the floor and shattered, sending stew across the floor and all over Simon’s pants.

"If they think they can just leave me to clean this crap up they are very, very wrong!" Book snapped and left the room headed toward his bunk.

Simon looked down at his pants and then slowly up at River.

"I need to change," he said.

Continue to part two